Living the Dream | Part 4
Song of Solomon 7:1-6, 11-13
“An anthropologist once asked a Hopi (Native American nation in northern Arizona) why so many of his people’s songs were about rain. The Hopi replied that it was because water is so scarce and then the Hopi asked the anthropologist, ‘Is that why so many of your songs are about love?’ ”[i]
God did not intend for marriage to be painfully endured or to end quickly.
God intended marriage to be wonderfully enjoyed.
It was not His plan that it would be a burden. God wants your marriage to be a blessing.[ii]
(Prov 5:18, NASB) Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth.
You don’t have fun while your dating to just hang it up once you’re married
You don’t typically marry someone that you don’t have fun with
Fun is not a luxury in marriage.
If you don’t make time for fun, may not have a marriage.
3 TYPES OF FUN EVERY MARRIED COUPLE MUST ENJOY
Hebrew title: Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s
- Origen (influenced by asceticism and Gnosticism) and Augustine
- Plagued by plethora of fanciful interpretations
Plain interpretation preferred
- Reinforces the truth we see in Genesis when marriage was originated – marriage was created for our good, for our joy, for God’s glory
Solomon and the Shulamite — One woman man and one man woman
By the time we are here in chapter 7 they have had dated in a godly way, married each other in a godly way, been intimately sensual in a godly way
And now Solomon just publically swept her off her feet (literally into his chariot)
(6:13) He whisked her away to private moment, now look at what he says…
1.) FACE TO FACE (7:1-6)
- Most communication about schedules, family business, kids
- Rarely about the spiritual or the future
- Have you asked your spouse what they want t o accomplish and how you can help them?
- Even more rare is intimate communication
Notice What Intimate Communication Looks Like
She needs a man who will listen to her thoughts about the events of her day with sensitivity, interest, and concern – and without a solution
Men, we think in headlines but women need details
No one is more critical of your wife’s looks than she is
She needs affirmation and admiration FROM HER HUSBAND
Openness and sincere about your affection
APP: Create time where your only goal is to talk – face to face
- Watching television
- Driving to your kids event,
- Talking while both of you play on your phone is not face-to-face
2.) SIDE TO SIDE (7:10-11)
Notice that Shulamite is now speaking
She makes the invite
Wives need to make the move sometimes
Men especially crave side-to-side time.
Enter his/her world:
- Work trip, football game, fishing, hunting, golf – Do it his way
- Grocery store, Hobby Lobby, Antiques, Shopping – Do it her way
- Legit interest!
- Bad illustration: Megan and I shopping. “I’ll just sit over here.” “How much longer?” It was over
2 times when men are most likely to open up:
- When he’s doing something with you he enjoys.
- Right after he’s done something with you he enjoys.
3.) NAVEL TO NAVEL (vv11-13)
- Budding vines, blossoms opening, pomegranates, and especially mandrakes were all considered aphrodisiacs. Some referred to the mandrake as the “love apple.”[iii]
- The Shulamite’s invitation in v12 is not an invitation to read a Hallmark card together – it was an invitation to navel to navel fun
- God came up with sex, His gift – His gift to be opened IN MARRIAGE
- Culturally this is where we fall into a trap, particularly for singles:
- In 2011-2013 survey by the CDC, 54.2% of women and 64.1% of men agreed that, “It is all right for unmarried 18 year olds to have sexual intercourse if they have strong affection for each other,”
- EVEN THOUGH, the actual data reveals that marrying as non-virgins is associated with “considerably higher” risk of divorce and “dramatically more unstable first marriages.”
- What happens when a circuit is short-circuited? It gets blown
- Jump into Navel to Navel time and short circuit God’s designed approach to courtship and dating
- The fuse ultimately gets blown
- Courtship restrained to face to face and side to side
- Sex is God’s gift – His gift to be opened IN MARRIAGE
- Sex is not 2 bodies coming together but 2 souls
- Beloved = mingling of souls
- Don’t let the culture cheapen God’s gift
- Supermarket magazine stats
- Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. (Heb 13:4)
- Prov 5:1-8, 15-18
- Pornography has NO Place in the life of Follower of Jesus and NO Place in Your Marriage
- Sex is not just physical pleasure, it is the mingling of 2 souls
- Sex is God’s gift to be opened IN MARRIAGE
- In Marriage: Quality Face to Face Time and Side to Side Time should lead to Navel to Navel Time
- Truth: Men are like microwaves, Women are like crock pots
- Men: work on your approach: enjoy the approach
- Notice the Shulamite has extended the invite but also notice this all began with Solomon taking his time – being attentive and showing admiration
- Your wife’s romance button is always moving – you have a choice: frustration or fun
- Women: make an approach
- Some men ask all the time because they think if they don’t they will never get a “yes.” Some women say “no” all the time because they think that’s all their husband wants. APP: Communicate – Face to Face, Side to Side, and Wives make an approach and see how he will change
- The top two things most men need from their wife are (1) Respect and (2) Sex
- the King of his castle and
- Time with his queen
- “If you have a good sexual relationship, it’s about 10% of the value of the relationship overall. If you don’t have a good sexual relationship, it’s about 90%.”[iv] – Danny Akin
- You are his only legitimate way to find sexual fulfillment! (1 Cor 7)
3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
- Don’t fall into the trap of waiting for the perfect mood – fairytales are fake – movie scripts are imaginary (ESPECIALLY WITH KIDS) – jump into the pool and go for a swim
It’s time to invest in the fun of your marriage God’s way for God’s Glory
The grass looks greener on the other side?
Nine Warning Signs of Infidelity
- The feeling of “going through the marriage motions.”
- Inventing excuses to visit someone of the opposite sex.
- Increasing male-female contacts in normal environments (e.g.: work, choir, recreation).
- Being preoccupied with thoughts about another person (something only you and God will know).
- Exchanging of gifts with a “friend” of the opposite sex.
- Making daily/weekly contact with someone by phone.
- Putting yourself in situations where a friend or employee “might” become more.
- Having to touch, embrace, or glance at a person of the opposite sex.
- Spending time alone with anyone of the opposite sex.
A wise husband and a wise wife will covenant never to be alone with a person of the opposite sex other than their spouse.[v]
If the grass looks greener it’s time to water your own lawn!
Is there hope?
YES — What God put together let no man tear asunder!
With God all things are possible.
It will take time.
It will take prayer.
It will take surrender.
It will take doing marriage God’s way.
Pray: Singles to Prepare for the Fun of Marriage by
Submitting to God’s Way for Dating
Pray: Married Couples to Not Neglect the Gift of their Spouse
(Ps 118:24) This is the day which the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Enjoy life with the wife God has given you.
God’s highest priority for us is not our happiness, it is our holiness
But by nature, we are not holy.
We are sinful. We are broken by sin, and our sin has separated us from God.
Illustration: Stained glass window with one piece broken out. The reality is, it’s worse than that. All of the pieces are broken and scattered about.
BUT JESUS DIED TO PUT THE BROKEN PIECES OF OUR LIVES BACK TO TOGETHER
>Your purity in singleness
>All begins with your redemption by faith in Jesus Christ
[i] Daniel Akin, God on Sex: The Creator’s Ideas about Love, Intimacy, and Marriage (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2003), 206–207.
[ii] Daniel Akin, God on Sex: The Creator’s Ideas about Love, Intimacy, and Marriage (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2003), 180.
[iii] Daniel Akin, God on Sex: The Creator’s Ideas about Love, Intimacy, and Marriage (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2003), 238.
[iv] Daniel Akin, God on Sex: The Creator’s Ideas about Love, Intimacy, and Marriage (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2003), 186.
[v] Daniel Akin, God on Sex: The Creator’s Ideas about Love, Intimacy, and Marriage (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2003), 234–235.